While I was writing the last entry it dawned on me how before we can give ourselves permission, we need to learn how to also validate ourselves. All these things are connected: Trust, Validation and Permission. When we feel validated we tend to fear sharing ourselves less, whether what is being validated is truth or not. There is a lot in our world that validates different forms of false truths, but since so many people adhere to it, it's gives it space to be "true," for a majority.
We are all looking for validation in some form or another. From our peers, from our parents, from society, ect. We especially look for validation when we may have an opinion, thought or way of being that goes against the grain, but internally it FEELS right to us. I feel as if most of us, if we tune into our intuition, have MANY things we do that go against the grain, but since these things are harder to be validated by the majority, we think it must be wrong.
I am becoming more and more aware of where I am looking for validation and permission to feel and think the way I already do. It's been a lovely practice to really SEE this, because with awareness we can much more easily make conscious effort to transform. I am learning that if it is coming from the heart, it's valid, at least for you. I am also learning that validity is not static thing, validity is what we make it. What's valid for me, might not be valid for you, and vise versa.
This makes the question of permission and validation interesting? Because when we really stop and ask why and who we are looking for this approval from? And especially since validity is different for everyone, than how can it not turn back to ourselves? No one else can give us the validation or permission that only we can grant ourselves. The permission and validation we receive from ourself, is REAL, and true. I am learning that granting permission and validation to ourselves is more so a healthy habit than anything, same with looking for it externally. Habits take practice, day after day. And to change some habits, we need to dig deep and get to the root of why they are there.
For me, getting to the root of my insecurities was a huge stepping stone in learning how to give permission to myself. When I began realizing how often I was looking for approval, and validation, ect, I simultaneously began questioning my motives, habits, and where I was taking action from unconscious belief patterns ingrained in me since childhood. I question things, and I question the answers too. I thoroughly enjoy digging. Sometimes is hard to see the truth of parts of ourself, but in my experience, the pain is so worth how much better we feel when we get THROUGH it.
As i've began practicing trusting myself, giving permission to myself, and validating myself it's been getting easier and easier. Everyday I learn to listen to what is right in my heart, and trust it. I also trust what I feel is wrong to and for me, and listen to that. Against the grain, with the grain, doesn't matter. What is REAL to us, is the most powerful medicine, for ourselves and the all.
Just remember validation and permission are all just relative, and a matter of perspective. It comes back to trusting our own gut, and developing a healthy practice with our intuition. It takes deep looking at our inner insecurities, and remembering that our heart is one of our biggest guides, and to trust it, is to honour our own deep power.