Saturn Return Insights by S E R P E N T F I R E~
We've all heard it, but how many of us actually know what a Saturn Return truly is? And what it feels like? What can we prepare for and why is it so powerful? Devany Wolfe of S E R P E N T F I R E is here with us to give insight into her transformational saturn return journey.~
There’s nothing quite like the planet Saturn. We may be familiar with others like Mercury, when communication breaks down during its retrograde, and all things seem to be a tad more confusing and frustrating. But a lot of the time we may not be able to discern the pull and sway of the planets unless we are avidly following their transits. In daily life, their influence can seem to come and go without much mention. Saturn, however, is a totally different story.
Even people who are not familiar with the idea of the “Saturn Return” will often have a revelatory “Aha!” moment when I discuss with them the changes they went through surrounding their 30th revolution around the Sun, and how it is linked to Saturn. They will retrospectively understand why they felt the way they did, and a lot will fall into place.
Saturn returns to the very point it was at in the sky when you were born every 29.5 years, or 10,755 days. Saturn’s transit is much longer due to how far away it is from the Earth. You may begin feeling the approach of Saturn during the 28th year, depending on your sensitivity or attunement to the energies, and depth of change which will need to take place over the course of the Return.
My Return took place over the course of a month between October and November of 2013. My spirit seemed to be taking cues from its proximity as early as July and August, however, because I was able to make some very difficult decisions regarding my relationship to my family, which had been abusive and toxic for the majority of my life. I recall feeling a ‘cord’, if you will, in my soul, snap when I finally put my foot down, and shut the abuse out of my life. It was not a pleasant feeling, yet seemed necessary, and more was to follow. That entire year, truthfully, beginning in early January, was fraught with anxiety and existential crises which I could not place or surmount, so perhaps I was actually aware of its approach from much earlier on. I was very busy, though, with the launch of a very large project, so my mind was often on other things.
In mid October, my project had come to an end. I recall the very next day, another ‘cord’ seemed to snap. Whatever constructs I had built for myself, whatever identity I had clung to, began falling away, quickly and inexplicably. I was on the phone with my therapist that day, having a routine conversation, reviewing the amazing project I had just spent a year completing with an incredible team of people. I remember thinking to myself that I should have been happy. Why, then, was I instead full of this horrible, oppressive dread which would not cease?
The anxiety piled upon itself into this burnt lasagna of internal terror. It was akin to having performance anxiety, like having to speak in front of a large crowd, or going on a first date with someone you really like, but the anxiety would not go away. It was there from even before I opened my eyes in the morning. It made me sick and nauseous, and I could not eat until the sun went down. Even then, it was tentative. I was having all kinds of horrific, harmful thoughts which did not go away for months. The anxiety and existential dread, the complete lack of focus or identity, plunged me into a healing crisis which lasted for the better part of a year. I lost 20 pounds, which was a lot on my already small frame. I spent most of my days in bed, feeling pummeled by the universe. My only respite ended up being time, meditation, the love and support of my partner, and being with the suffering I was experiencing. Doing all I could to delve into the discomfort and discombobulation head first and not look away. To patiently and diligently place myself on the path of selflove for the first time, to heal the old wounds of my abusive past once and for all. It was a test, and I passed. Not unscathed, but stronger as a result.
I now understand that the ‘cords’ which snapped were, metaphorically speaking, the strings of the puppet. I was no longer allowing myself to be controlled by constructs which had been built for me, around me, and by me as a reaction in my nascency. I was cutting them with my momentum. I became a broken slump for a while, as puppets don’t use the strength of their own muscles to dance and wave their arms about. My deeper sense of love, resolve and muscular power was atrophied, but this did not last, thanks to my submission to the process.
Saturn return places an unforgiving spotlight on what needs to be worked on, and what skins need to be shed. This is why it so distinctly separates people in their 20s from people in their 30s. It is the final goodbye to adolescence and ignorant youth. As mentioned, it is a very potent series of tests a rite of passage. You must walk over the hot coals of your shadow self, integrate the pain and the weight of karma, and burn it off. It is what separates what life and circumstances you were born into, from the life you will make for yourself. The skin of the familial karma, and even past life karma, is peeled away revealing a very raw, very nascent, and very capable new being. Potential for quantum growth and personal power increases exponentially. A more refined identity and purpose emerges out of the ashes, letting go of anything which no longer serves you. Only the truest parts of the identity remain: universal truths of your spirit.
This is why the transition into 30 is often marked by many career, relationship and personality changes. It follows that when we are in our twenties, we are only capable of experimenting with various skins, identities, paths, relationships, jobs etc we simply do not have the years clocked on our timesheet, or wisdom enough under our cloaks yet to understand the deeper implications of the needs of our spirit in this lifetime. We may grasp at scents and follow our noses, but it seems that it is only after Saturn’s series of tests that we emerge out the other side of the abyss really feeling grounded in who and what we are.
However, this is entirely dependent upon our willingness to have awareness and surrender with the task at hand. I have known some people who have barrelled through their Saturn Returns without any respect for the things their higher selves were asking of them to attend to. They continued in the same patterns despite the heightened resistance and suffering they were enduring, and are worse off for it in their 30s.
It is certainly true that each day is a new day, and you may wake up and decide to ‘turn it all around’ and ‘do it differently’ the opportunity is there, of course. But during these cosmic intervals there is a much larger gateway which opens that allows you to go deeper into the heart of transformation. So if I may impart any suggestion here, it is to take heed of this gateway and respect its gifts. It may burn, and it may incinerate who you thought you were,
but there is everything to be gained from this sacred fire. Trust, surrender, and love yourself through to the other side.
~ Devany Wolfe